Pre-Wedding Photo Shoot

Today would have been our 12th Wedding Anniversary together, every day just seems to get harder without you being here.  There is so much I want to say, stuff I have to say, and yet I still don’t know where to start.  This blog entry may not make sense as I write from the heart so I’ll start somewhere and see where this post takes me.

When I first met you, you were being introduced by our manager as you started a new job in the same department for the same company I was working for.  It was in that moment I just knew…  Don’t ask me how… I just knew.

We became friends for many years, spending a lot of time together when possible, you even took care of me after my near death experience in the late 90’s due to a botched surgical procedure (when my then girlfriend buggered off and left me at risk).  We’d just hang out, enjoy each others company and have a laugh and giggle.  Sunday mornings we’d phone each other and talk whilst watching Hollyoaks, before meeting up for coffee and cake in various places, but mostly shopping.

People assumed we were a married couple long before we started a relationship and would ask how long we’d been married.  You’d giggle and brush it off, until one evening you decided you wanted more than friendship.

Our wedding day could be considered a fairy tale, from proposing that New Years Eve afternoon to getting married, in 9 months you’d found everything a girl needs, the limo, white horse drawn carriage to the castle, string trio, magician, fireworks, music, 300 candles to light the pathway.  It was magical and fun… A day neither of us would forget.

Mind you, I heard later the Castle staff were taking bets on when I would faint as apparently I looked whiter than white (probably from being up until 4am still writing my speech).

We had a magnum of Vintage 196x Moët et Chandon for the top table and I vividly remember you walking around the castle grounds in your gorgeous wedding dress with that oversized bottle in your hand as you didn’t want anyone walking off with it.

In the 11 years, 3 months and 1 day we were married you were always full of life, optimistic, happy and always said it was sunny when you are up with your gran as a kid.  Sadly in retrospect we both focussed (too heavily) on work and should have done more together.  During the times we weren’t working we managed some awesome travel and adventure between us!  Australia, Hong Kong, Singapore, Dallas, Amsterdam, Paris, Prague, St Lucia, Antigua, Dominican Republic, Barbados, most of mainland Europe, to name but a few…  You’ve always loved travel visiting more places before we started dating including Russia (which I wanted to visit).  you’d be up for almost anything whether it was Scuba Diving at the Great Barrier Reef, Rally Driving at Silverstone, Archery, Quad Biking, Learning to fly a Boeing 737 are but a few examples.  You always wanted to sky surf, to jump out of an aeroplane with a snowboard, but we never managed to get that far in our life journey together.

I am so happy to have been part of your life that even today I still feel helpless in not being able to find a treatment or cure for you.  I don’t want this to be a sad post, because you were a positive person who brought balance and happiness to my life.

I think the point is, that our story was never finished, we planned so much together, to travel the world and sharing experiences.  Our story feels incomplete/unfair.

I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but I now know you shared the rest of your life with me.  I love you now and always. xxx